Tag Archives: guidance

Do I Need Counseling?

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Every day millions of people search online for help with their problems, wondering if it’s finally time to reach out for direction and support to handle sadness, depression, anxiety, stress, fights with their partner or spouse, and family issues, among others. Here are some of the questions and mistaken beliefs we encounter as therapists every day.

Can’t I just talk to my friends about my problems?

Talking to a friend about mental health or personal issues may bring you temporary relief, but will make the problem more deep seated in the long run because you become more identified with the issue the longer you complain without intervention. Remember, you get what you pay for, and zero-cost advice is pretty much worth zero!
Nobody can change my situation, so why pay to see a professional about it?
There is a saying that “your world changes when YOU change.” A professional, licensed therapist is trained in ways to help you respond to your world differently. We have at least two college degrees and extensive supervised training thereafter. There are thinking patterns, usually formed in childhood, of which you are completely unaware. I can show you how you are holding yourself back and perhaps help you find insight and freedom. It’s often a cage of your own making!

I’ve felt this way so long…

If you had a persistent fever, would you just say “oh well” and live with it? Or would you go to a health care specialist who could evaluate, diagnose, and treat it? The average person doesn’t realize how common mood and relationship problems are to the human condition, and that they can be (and are) identified and studied. Whole systems of therapy are developed for common issues, much as drugs are developed for physical ailments.

What will people think?

The people intelligent and mature enough to seek therapy realize that it doesn’t matter what people think! It matters how you live every day of your limited, precious life, and whether you can enjoy that to a higher degree and love more fully. Besides, you would be surprised how many of those “imaginary people” you think are judging you are actually patients themselves.
Is it time for YOU to feel better? It’s time!

Is It Love or a Red Flag? Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

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1. Push for quick involvement: comes on very strong, pressures for an exclusive commitment almost immediately
2. Jealousy: Excessively possessive: calls constantly, visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone:” checks your mileage
3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely, especially if you’re late, about whom you talked to and where you were. Keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.
5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses your supporters of “causing trouble;” deprives you of a phone or car.
6. Blames others: for his problems and mistakes: The boss, you—it’s always someone else’s’ fault.
7. Makes everyone else responsible for his feelings: says, you make me angry” instead of “I AM angry,” or, “you’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.
8. Hypersensitivity: Easily insulted, claiming his feelings are hurt when he is really mad; rants about things that are just part of life.
9. Cruel to animals or children: kills or punishes animals brutally; expects children to do things that are beyond their ability, i.e. whips a two year old for wetting a diaper; teases children until they cry. SIXTY FIVE PERCENT OF ABUSERS WHO HIT THEIR PARTNER WILL ALSO HIT CHILDREN.
10. “Playful” use of force during sex: enjoys throwing you down, holding you down against your will; says he finds the idea of rape exciting.
11. Verbal abuse: constant criticism, says cruel or hurtful things; degrades, curses you, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.
12. Rigid gender roles: expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13. Sudden mood swings: switches from sweetly loving to explosive in a matter of minutes.
14. Past battering: admits hitting women in the past, but says they made him do it or the situation was to blame.
15. Threats of violence: makes statements like “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” then dismisses it with “everybody talks that way, you’re too sensitive” or “I didn’t mean it.” IF IT HAS COME THIS FAR, GET HELP OR GET OUT.
From the Project for Victims of Family Violence, Lafayette, ARK

Ways to Raise a Healthier, Happier Child

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Parenting is one of the most important tasks we perform in this life. Most parents have no training or support to do it well. Guidance helps in this often frustrating and yet rewarding experience. Build a solid self-esteem and a capacity to withstand peer pressure for your children. It can lead to lifetime of rewards.

For children, routine is important.  They need a solid structure to best flourish and learn. Bedtimes, daily chores, unstructured play time, and nighttime rituals all help contribute to a sense of security, and free the child to focus their energy on schoolwork and play. Unstructured time to play is critical to a developing child’s mental health and emotional resiliency. Guard your child’s development from over scheduling!

Here are four ways to raise a happier, healthier child:

  1.  Schedule a consistent routine for bedtime.  A child needs about 10 hours of sleep nightly.
  2. Have home responsibilities for your child.  Around age 10-12, they should begin doing their own laundry and contributing to household chores.  This develops independence and confidence.
  3. Present a calm, businesslike attitude when dealing with discipline.  Losing your cool gives the child a power that rightly belongs to the adult.
  4. Focus on your child’s positive traits, especially when it is tough to do so.